On this day I celebrate you, the single ones, the ones that wonder if that special person will ever arrived! I celebrate those that, like me, were pushed to a label of divorcee or widower, those that stood up to the call of single parenting. I have been married, 3rd time around for over 21 years now but my previous years taught me lessons of high value, lessons that I want to share with you if you give me a few minutes of your time!
For everyone reading these lines, you are more than a label! The world around us often push into our minds a definition with a box of expectations that we “supposed to live by”! Not so! You are a unique person of value, with talents, with experiences to share, with weaknesses as every human has and it is all those aspects of life and more, that makes you who you are. A label is too narrow to even begin to fit a person’s description!
It took me many years of being in a box to break the cycle of labels and embrace who I am and I’m still discovering aspects of value, there’s unending beauty in discovery!
Lessons… Experiences I can share with you today. Singlehood isn’t a curse! It can be a season or it can be a life style for each of us have unique callings. Something I learned, I’d rather be single than to have the wrong person beside me. How can we find the “right” one? Oh, it would take me several books or just a few lines. We ain’t perfect, you know! But you and me can work in ourselves. In those seasons in life while we wait, let’s work in our own lives pursuing growth, seeking for those broken pieces that need mending, healing before we embrace the next. I personally truly dislike the imposition of the “experts” that will tell you, “before you remarried, you need to wait 10 years…. 5?, 4 years therapy process, date several people before choosing, no?” Have you heard statements like that before? I don’t dare to call myself an expert but I also don’t dare to box others in my unique calling. I, however, accepted the challenge of sharing my lessons hoping that you’ll find a word, a line that brings light or understanding into your unique story.
Single parenting… I believed my children needed to have a “perfect family”. For me that was described as a dad, a mom and their children. I aimed at that vision but had to stand at my calling as a single mom for many years. I am not perfect, I made many mistakes and because of that I can love a little better today. I would say embrace the process, enjoy the moments, each developmental season has challenges and beauty, find the beauty in those seasons. Value yourself, value your children, God’s given gifts!
I am currently working in a touchy area “relationships”. There’s always room for improvement, growth, understanding. Looking back as a single woman, I engaged in several relationships that I needed to tossed along the way. I learned, as painful that it was at the time, that healthy love would welcome me and my children, the whole package or none. Sometimes selfishness becomes the motive behind an unhealthy relationship. Time can be wasted, hurts can then accumulate and those we love most can suffered because of our own poor choices.
Talking about choices, another lesson, poor choices don’t have to define my whole life. I’ll need to work with the consequences but there’s always room to stand and turn toward a better life, a moment, a day at the time!
How would you describe your future dream partner? ( That is if that’s in your wish list!) Loving, compassionate, respectful, a good listener? Cultivate those qualities in your life. If you value, as I do, having a close relationship with God through Christ, embrace that relationship with God on daily basis and allow God to lead you, that means to yield to His Voice as we open ourselves to begin new relationships of friendship or even consider marriage in our future.
My last lines, I remarried over 21 years ago… I can only tell you that God’s grace and mercy have been the glue of this next chapter. Next to my husband, 3 unexpected miracles, our 3 children together, health challenges, financial loss, loss of loved ones, midlife crisis, senior years, retirement adjustment, roller coasters of life…. It requires commitment, feelings and emotions will failed us but our yielding to do what’s best on behalf of the other, becomes a more solid foundation. However, as I yield to my calling, I have to admit that God deserves all the credit!
No matter your present situation, I hope you’ll find yourself willing to stand up to this day, reach out to a loving God, (that’s my Fountain of strength) and keep living, keep growing, there’s hope in your next!
(and if you’re able leave a note, share what’s in your heart after reading these lines! Prayer requests are definitely welcome!)
Roxana Reyes Davis
2/14/2022
roxana reyes davis 